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Thread: Your typical fanboy with some dreams

  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by jrice314 View Post

    Anyway, so what I wanted to say, is not really addressed to skating aspect of your situation, but some other aspects. In particular, I want to encourage you to do your best to love your parents, to keep communication lines open, and to forgive them for their mistakes. I have gone through extremely difficult periods with my mother and am still learning how to stay in relationship with her in a healthy way. There was a time when I felt like my mother ruined my life by making some poor choices for me or by limiting my choices (ie. not letting me change my major in college, making bad choices about a mental health issue). While my evaluation of the wisdom of her choices has not changed, I have become a lot more understanding of the limitations in her own life that led to these poor choices and a lot more sympathetic. Specifically, I've come to really appreciate how hard it was for her to be a single mother, how her parents didn't always model the best choices / communication style / relationship habits, how she has struggled with racial discrimination all her life, etc. I'm not saying you should talk extensively about the issues you disagree about with your parents, but try to not shut them out of your life entirely (even when you go to college). The more love and kindness you can show your parents, the easier it will be for them to accept any decisions you make in the future and the better it will be for everyone involved. Also, if you can model how to disagree while still showing love and respect, it will be easier for them to do the same.

    Finally, this is probably way off topic, but just because your parents handle religion one way, doesn't mean that everyone does. If there are things about your religion that you find positive and helpful to you (or beautiful or true), maybe someday, you can try to reflect on that and see if there are other people who practice your religion in a way that emphasizes the positive and discards the negative or if there are other religions out there that balance things better.

    I wish you all the best!

    I appreciate the point you are trying to make with the original poster but I think this comes across as oversimplifying. Parents are complicated, and so are relationships. But some of that needs to be on parents. If I followed your advice I would still be in the same miserable situation I was in when I finished high school. Distance and time has made my relationship wth my parents better. You cannot expect other people will change- they can, but if they aren't willing to make the effort to at least try then the relationship is unhealthy. Being self sacrificial for the benefit of people who won't change isn't a good thing. Doing what is best for our own mental health isn't selfish.

  2. #17
    Hitting the "you're too sexy" button
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    Quote Originally Posted by jrice314 View Post
    In particular, I want to encourage you to do your best to love your parents, to keep communication lines open, and to forgive them for their mistakes.
    Sorry but no. Just no. This is one of the most damaging things you could possibly tell a kid in Skylar's situation. It has been made abundantly clear that Skylar's parents will hate him when they know for certain he is gay, they would even shun him and cut him off, so why should he love them or forgive them? Perhaps, at some future time that might occur, but right now, we have a fifteen year old who is terrified of his parents finding out, who knows that his parents hate who he is. Invalidating his feelings and telling him that he is wrong and must love and forgive his parents (exactly the sort of bullrubbish that the evil cult he's in would be telling him!) is just cruel.

  3. #18
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    Hi Skylar,

    I just want to say that you have a lot of great things to look forward to as you become an independent adult. Please do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and your sanity, so that you make it to adulthood in as clear a state of mind as you are now, with all of your goals, and the strengths you already have to work on them, intact.

    Keep your head above any people or circumstances that would have you dragged down.

    No matter what age you start skating, in the eyes of yourself and the people who are supportive of you, you will be as much as shining star starting as an adult as you would be if you started young.

    Starting as an adult, you will still have opportunities to skate in competitions, and could even eventually share your love of the sport by becoming a skating instructor once you have reached an appropriate level to the type of teaching you might want to do.

    Is there any possibility of getting a pt or volunteer job at the ice rink, so that at least you would be in that environment? I work at a rink and the atmosphere around me there is always interesting, exciting, positive, and fun, even when I am just doing stupid stuff like sweeping up crunched up crackers. Actually, maybe if you could get a job there, it would be a way to ease into skating without flack from your parents, since it would kind of be a job related activity. The rink here actually hires kids to be skate guards who have never even skated before (then I get stuck giving them crash courses in how to tie skates, fall and stand up, and how to stop without having to crash into the wall). Maybe you would have to wait until 16 years old - that's the age they say here. There are so many ways to convince most parents that a job is a good idea, especially one that will allow development of leadership skills and promote physical health (if you could work your way into a rink guard position).
    Last edited by treesprite; 05-22-2017 at 03:30 AM.

  4. #19
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    Hello everyone. I'm sorry that I am just now replying to everything. Things have been busy with school and stress from it + my parents being particularly bum these past few days. I have been on reading the replies and private messages I've received, but havn't had the time or energy to reply until now, so thank you for waiting. I'm also being smart this time and typing this message out in a different window because I DO NOT want all of this to be deleted haha.

    Thank you all again for responding to my post. I'm really suprised and happy that I received so much support and kindness from you all. It feels really good for so many people to just care about my situation and sympathise with me. Hopefully that isnt selfish. It's just when I have so many people immediatly around me that are the opposite of me, things feel really grim. I know so so so many people do think that being gay fine, but keeping that in mind is hard. So just having so many people tell me so here is nice.

    You guys have been so encouraging. Calling me strong, assuring me that things will be better, saying I have a clear state of mind... thank you so much for all of your support.

    Ok, so I'll try to answer questions and respond now.

    First I'd like to thank you alot @ribbit for giving me so much insight on ways I can prepare for schooling and improve my likely hood of getting in. I really do need to look into for myself what tests I need to take and how I can go about taking them (the ones you reccomended). As well as what different school options I have. It's hard for me mentally to go in and do this because I don't know "what I want to be when I grow up" as far as jobs go, and so I don't know what schools I would end up needing. This kind of overwhelms me and ends up getting me worrying about not knowing what I want to be rather than looking up the information. I need to move past this though, perhaps looking up more general imformation like you sugested rather than trying to know which specific school I want will help me. I will adress the writing class later, but as for volenteer work, I could try to see what my parents will let me do. I'm uncertain whether or not they will let me, or if I will find something I'm interested in. Thank you for prompting me to think about this more and look more into my schooling, because I need to be as prepared as I can be.
    And I have seen that thread, I only read the original post though. I will have to reread it and scan through it's replies again though to refresh myself, but thank you for reccomending it!

    To those that reccomended hockey, thanks for the idea haha. I can see how it could help, but I don't really have much of an interest in the sport at all. I know I should try to take what I can get, but I just don't have the desire to. I hope that's not too dumb to think lol. Either way, it would be very unlikely that I could play any sport. My religion doesn't veiw sports or being on a team as bad per say, but it isn't really reccomended due to the ammount of time it consumes and how that time could be spent on serving God. And then it would expose yu to "bad assisiation" because of the team mates. And going on to pursue that sort of carreer isn't reccomended. I've also heard it can be difficult do adjust from hocky skates to figure skates, but that's probably not that important. So, there's nothing really going for me in reguards to that idea, but thanks for the recomendation anyways! It is quite smart.

    I also _really_ iked the idea @treesprite had of getting a job or volenteering at an ice rink. I agree that it could help out with getting into skating, and just overall be a good atmosphere to be in. The only thing about this, is that it would be more difficult to convince my parents to let me get a job. My dad has said before that he didn't want me to be working in school because things would be too time consuming, and because it could block out time for spiritual activities. I do want eventually try to convince them though to let me get a job at an ice rink of I can, it would be again a nice atmosphere all around, something i would find intersting and exciting and everything you said. It would also give me a bit of pocket money, which would be nice in the present but also could help me save for college and housing. I'm already saving with my allowance money lol. To be honest, at first it was for if I were to decide I need to run away, but that would be risking everything. Lately I realized that the same money would help me when the time comes, and this helps motivate me to keep on going. Little tangent haha. Do you or anyone else have any ideas on how I could convince them? Thank you for the really good idea, I love it!

    Now, I'd like to adress @jrice314. First, I'd like to thank you for replying and trying to help me out. I know you had good intentions when you wrote your comment and I really appreciate you trying to help. I have to agree with the others though in saying that it did seem oversimplified. While I appreciate you encouraging me to love and respect my parents, things are a bit more complicated than that. I would also like to say, I in no way want to imply that the things you went through are somehow less than mine or something like that. I do try to respect my parents, and I have a sort of family love for them, but I am not sure at this point how much more it is than that. It is really confusing for me to tell if I really do love them or not. They have done and said things that have just made my life miserable since January when I came out to them. And before then, I had been so scared that they would find out and about the thought of coming out to them. And confused about myself and worried and depressed about thinking I would miss out on a perfect afterlife with them. Scared at the thought of dissapointing them and so many of the other people I care about. Having to feel bad because I hid so much from them and thought that was bad. All that only to be punished and things to get worse.(As a side note, no one other than them and the "congregation elders" my dad tells are supposed to know I'm gay, even my younger brother. This gets interesting because they often say things out loud that allude to it, but anyways.) In a way, I was forced to come out even, because I didn't want to get baptised since that meant "devoting my life to god" and I knew I wasn't ready to do that. My dad had been bringing it up alot, and said he would again at the end of January, and the last time he had he had yelled and gotten angry, and even if he apoligized for it I expected it to get worse and I couldn't think of any excuses as to why I shouldn't get baptized. I shouldn't of come out even still. Anywyas, even if they weren't going to shun me when I grow older, I don't know how much I would keep in contact with them. I have suspected and have been confirmed in a way by my friends, that the way they have been acting has been emotionally abusive towards me. I was usure about that for a while, and still am a to an extent, but everything that they have put me through and made me feel is emotional abuse to me. They say they love me, they want me to know no matter what they love me, and I'm sure in their mind they do, but their actions and words do not show it. I don't want things to be this way, I hope it doesn't seem or that I am not being too "woe is me" right now, but this is just the way things are. That's why I can't easily, truely say I love them other than the natural love that you want to have for your family. As far as forgiving them, I'm not sure about that. In a way I could and in a way I couldn't. I know they feel that they _know_ what they beleive is right, even when no one can truely know. And this is why they act the way they do. But this does not excuse the actions they have done to me. So the topic of forgiveness is tricky, I need to think about it more. I hope this hasn't been too harsh, I'm sorry if I've been rude in some way. I know you were just trying to help, but this just made my feelings feel invalid and made me unsure if what I was feeling toward them and my how i felt was unwarranted. For example. Some things that has stuck with me is years before I came out, my dad told me that his greatest fear was one of his children telling him "Dad, I'm gay" and he never apoligized for that even though it was mentioned. Another was that, he has said at least once, if I remember correctly twice, after I came out that he "would rather be dead than have had that happen". No apology for that either. I know (concerning the latter) that things are said "in the heat of the moment" that shouldnt of been, but it still hurts and it is still what he feels. And is it really in the heat of the moment when was likely said multiple times? They also say they will always love me, and the religion in general says that it doesn't hate gay people, but just the act of homosexuality. Frankly though, I think that is pretty BS (woah didn't know this required me to censor myself lol, I'm glad I hadn't been swearing before) and does not make sense. I do appreciate the point you were trying to make though and the thought you put into your reply, and your willingness to share your own experience with me. I hope I have not been too harsh.

    I can't wait to start learning how to figure skate. You guys have really helped me to see that I can...heh, I can be a star in my own way, and in the same way as I'd be if I had been skating when I was younger. I can't wait to be a good skater. I don't ever want to let this dream die. There are certain things I want to always be with me, this is one of them. I hope that doesn't ever change.

    I also absolutely can't wait until I'm finally out of all of this. When I can freely see my friends and say what I want. When I don't have to go into incognito mode to even write a post about ice skating. When I don't have to be worried about being caught or about what I'm going to go through for years to come. I wish so badly it would come here quicker. Where I don't have to be depressed and miserable every day over all of this. Well, who's to say I won't be depressed then, but regardless, it at least wouldn't be from this. I am sick of feeling like everyone physically around me is dragging me down and causing me to be sad. I'll try my best to take care of myself and keep me mentally intact. Any advice for this would be much appreciated haha.

    As always, any comments are appreciated, so please don't hesitate to. That might be weird to say lol, sorry, it's been so nice though to have all of you help me out. I hope you all have a good day! (Also I apologize for all the spelling mistakes)

  5. #20
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    Oh, I also did forget to mention this. I asked my mom today if we could go ice skating this Wednesday. I said that it has been hard for me to get PE in lately and this would be something I really enjoy and would provide PE. We had been talking beforehand, and I just brung it up because I had been mentioning things to her regarding the week, and I figured it would be an ok time to bring it up. She kind of changed the topic back to what she had been talking about as I was looking up the different times the skating rink was open (I already knew but wanted to show her). She did even say at some point that tomorrow was a mostly free day other than something later in the evening (since it might be more convenient to go tomorrow, well now today, than Wednesday). She also asked when I first mentioned it to her today why I would want to do that and not go to the gym. So anyways, I read out all the times to the week for her, but she sort of cut me off and walked away saying I don't really want to do that (or some similar words conveying that idea). I mentioned as she walked away to talk to my dad (he had came home as I was asking her) that she could just drop me off, but she said no. It really bums me out. I thought that I had a good chance of being able to go. It frustrates me that she would be willing to take me to the gym but not this, especially when she wouldn't even really need to skate. She could just watch. Or, simply drop me off. Idk if this is childish of me to think, but I'd like to say that I'm old enough to be at the ice rink for a few hours without her there, it's a public place with employees all around and if anything bad happens I could make a scene. Anyways... that's mostly it. I just really wish I could go. I don't know why every time I try to bring it up I am shot down. It is really sad an frustrating. Sorry for the complaining lol.

  6. #21
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    It seems to me that the only thing you can do is to buckle down on your studies, and ride these three years out. In three years you will be an adult and can leave and live your own life. I know it must seem like an absolute eternity right now, but I promise you it isn't. If you spend these three years laying your foundations, saving your money, getting good grades in school, learning basic life skills, putting together a plan, then at eighteen, you will be able to free yourself. And then the world will lie before you, ready for you to discover.

    I know you want to start now, but skating can and will be there for you all of your life. Adult skating is growing, and you will always be welcome. Stay strong, and life will get better, I promise.

  7. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarNinja View Post
    I really do need to look into for myself what tests I need to take and how I can go about taking them (the ones you recommended). As well as what different school options I have. It's hard for me mentally to go in and do this because I don't know "what I want to be when I grow up" as far as jobs go, and so I don't know what schools I would end up needing. This kind of overwhelms me and ends up getting me worrying about not knowing what I want to be rather than looking up the information. I need to move past this though, perhaps looking up more general information like you suggested rather than trying to know which specific school I want will help me. I will address the writing class later, but as for volunteer work, I could try to see what my parents will let me do. I'm uncertain whether or not they will let me, or if I will find something I'm interested in. Thank you for prompting me to think about this more and look more into my schooling, because I need to be as prepared as I can be.
    Skylar, don't worry about not knowing what you want to do when you grow up. (And think of it as what you want to do, not what you want to be--you don't have to identify yourself wholly with your job, and you may well change careers once or more!) At 15, very few of us know with certainty what we want to do, and most of us have no idea how many interesting careers are out there. I have a colleague who's a labor economist, and he's always pointing out that half the careers that will exist in 20 years' time don't exist yet. So don't think about going to school for a specific job. Go to school to make yourself a flexible employee and an informed adult. Aim for a liberal-arts education: this means an education that requires you to major in something specific while also taking a broad spectrum of courses across the humanities, social sciences, and sciences. Many small colleges require such an education, and most public universities offer it (usually through a unit called something like the "College of Arts and Sciences"). Generally, you take a broad range of introductory courses as a freshman, while you try new things and discover new subjects and figure out what you might like to focus on. You don't usually have to declare a major until partway through your sophomore year, so you have plenty of time to explore. You can get a job with any major, as long as you start working with the college's career center early and line up part-time and summer jobs and internships to get relevant work experience. You can often even do an internship for college credit. And then you'll have the breadth of knowledge, the critical-thinking skills, and the mental flexibility to change careers as the working world changes around you. Start looking into the admissions requirements of such places. Again, the main campus of your state university system (which will be cheaper than a private college or another state's public system) is a good place to begin.

    (There are a few subjects that tend to be taught in separate units with their own admissions processes: engineering and nursing, for example. You'll get a sense of which programs these are as you start looking at schools.)

    There's a common perception that schools want to admit perfectly well-rounded students with a long list of extracurricular activities and a clear sense of exactly what they want to do in life. In fact, many schools are looking for a well-rounded class full of students who are each strong in one or two areas and who bring their individual strengths to the campus community. Open minds and intellectual curiosity are more valuable than a rigid sense of "I want to do x and only x." Your test scores and grades should be as high as you can get them in every subject, but it isn't at all the end of the world if you are stronger in literature than in math, for example, or in history than in science. Beyond that, it's better to have a few activities that you are invested in and spend a fair bit of time on (such as your writing) than to try to dabble in a great many different things.

    Good luck to you! And remember that it really does get better. As Karne says below, there is a world of open-minded people who will love you for who you are; you just need to hang in there until you can get to them.

  8. #23
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    Since the discussion is focusing a lot on school, keep in mind that there are colleges with ice skating rinks, and some even have entire skating programs. If you can find good reason to chose one of those schools, you could skate while at school.

  9. #24
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    Good luck to you young man! There is a world of people out there that will accept you for you, and a world of possibilities you will soon discover. If you must wait a few years to skate, that is ok. Skating as an adult is great fun! In the meantime you can study what you can about edges and moves. I've learned a lot from reading this forum. You can also work on balance, stretching & flexibilty, build up your core strength, and even study music in the meantime. Then when you are free you will be ready! I hope you stay in touch with this forum, everyone is rooting for you!

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