Was Tonya Harding poorly coached?

fenway3 · May 20, 2018

musicfan80 said:
I do think that Tonya greatly needed better mentoring off the ice. I've wondered so many times why Rawlinson was so here.

Rawlinson always said that skating was Tonya's ticket out of the gutter. But ultimately, she was mistaken. Her ticket out of the gutter would have been a wholesome family environment that would have helped her acquire a sense of well-being and heal from the scars of her past.

In fact, success in skating might have even intensified Tonya's problems. If she had retired before making the World Team, I doubt she would've ever gotten involved in a serious crime.

Anyway, it's a common misconception that success and achievement automatically leads to personal happiness. And Tonya's life clearly shows that to be wrong. A far better bet is to focus on someone's personal well-being and character. If you build that up, success is much more likely to follow. And even if it doesn't, the person will have important life skills to help them in the long run.

fenway3 · May 20, 2018

Seren said:
Diane did a lot as a mentor. It was a complicated situation. Please don't insult her by implying she was clueless or didn't try

I do think she tried and was caring, but she was clueless in believing that skating was Tonya's "salvation" in life. Apparently it was more important than both a healthy family environment and school, and supposedly her ticket out of the gutter. Well, we see how that all turned out.

Of course, Rawlinson was just a skating coach, so naturally her understanding here would have been limited. But she should've never told one of Tonya's friends not to call CPS. And I still don't understand why CPS thought Golden was fit to raise Tonya but not her half-siblings.

fenway3 · May 20, 2018

Inessence said:
Tonya was being beaten and abused by her ne’er-do-well, jealous, and controlling husband after escaping Lavonna. Unfortunately, she didn’t escape his grasp until after he completely imploded her career, with or without her knowledge.

Exactly. So many people smugly say that Tonya was self-destructive, which is objectively true, but how much better would they have done in her shoes? I mean, her sister Gina becomes a prostitute in her early teens and ends up leaving home? Are we going to call the sister "self-destructive" too?

A lot of people seem to think, "Well, you just have to make good decisions. And Tonya didn't. Therefore she was just a loser. End of story." Sorry, it's just not that simple. People who say stuff like that don't understand severe abuse—they may think they do, but they really don't. When your whole life is colored by abuse—and you even drop out of high school at 15—your ability to make "good decisions" is minimal, or perhaps even nonexistent.

Even kids raised in excellent homes often make poor decisions, so just think how much harder it is for those who had the polar opposite.

Growing up with an alcoholic parent is never easy, but I think Tonya's mom was in a class by herself. In fact, calling her a "parent" seems to be using the term loosely. Anyone raised in Tonya's toxic, unstable "home" would've been seriously messed up and probably ended up making one bad decision after another.

Actually, I think it's amazing she didn't end up becoming an alcoholic too.

cmk · May 20, 2018

fenway3 said:
Does her son look at all like her, I wonder? Has anyone seen a photo?

Her husband and son were in the audience for the 2nd week . She blew him a kiss during the team tennis dance, and I think they showed hubby and son briefly during the bear quickstep. Her son is 7 and apparently got bored after the 1st hour. He might be in the audience for the finals since that is only a 1 hour show.

SarahSynchro · May 20, 2018

Wow, I feel really dumb, how did I not know that Tonya had siblings? All this time I was thinking she’s an only child. :palmf:

Inessence · May 21, 2018

I've read Lavona abandoned her other kids to focus on Tonya. They were also much older than Tonya. According to her book, one brother was sent to his father and her sister ran away at 13. Her oldest brother was in and out of jail and molested Tonya from the time she was 5 to 15. She told her parents about what he was doing when she was 9, but they didn't believe her.

50 Words for Snow · May 21, 2018

Inessence said:
I've read Lavona abandoned her other kids to focus on Tonya. They were also much older than Tonya. According to her book, one brother was sent to his father and her sister ran away at 13. Her oldest brother was in and out of jail and molested her from the time she was 5 to 15. She told her parents about what he was doing when she was 9, but they didn't believe her.

He molested Tonya, or one of her sisters?

fenway3 · May 21, 2018

cmk said:
Her husband and son were in the audience for the 2nd week . She blew him a kiss during the team tennis dance, and I think they showed hubby and son briefly during the bear quickstep. Her son is 7 and apparently got bored after the 1st hour.

Thanks for the info.

He might be in the audience for the finals since that is only a 1 hour show.

Was her son there? I haven't seen the dances, but I heard a few people say that they thought Tonya skated very well—and perhaps was even the best tonight (even though she and Sasha didn't win).

Ic3Rabbit · May 21, 2018

fenway3 said:
Thanks for the info.

Was her son there? I haven't seen the dances, but I heard a few people say that they thought Tonya skated very well—and perhaps was even the best tonight (even though she and Sasha didn't win).

She was far from the best tonight, her freestyle was messy, and wouldn't have made it past the 3rd week any other season of the show.

fenway3 · May 21, 2018

SarahSynchro said:
Wow, I feel really dumb, how did I not know that Tonya had siblings? All this time I was thinking she’s an only child.

You're not dumb. I always knew that Tonya had a half-brother who had passed away many years ago, but I didn't know about the other siblings until cmk mentioned them. It's surprising how obscure this information is.

Ross74 · May 21, 2018

Tonya was lucky to have the pro that she had. Sasha knew how to choreograph for her and how to present her. I thought she came off very well.

fenway3 · May 21, 2018

Inessence said:
I've read Lavona abandoned her other kids to focus on Tonya.

Yeah—Tonya the "cash cow." :sad21: Why did CPS let her raise Tonya, I wonder? That woman shouldn't have been allowed around any kids.

They were also much older than Tonya. According to her book, one brother was sent to his father and her sister ran away at 13.

Does Tonya know anything about their status now, I wonder?

Her oldest brother was in and out of jail and molested her from the time she was 5 to 15. She told her parents about what he was doing when she was 9, but they didn't believe her.

Really? And apparently her mother slapped her one time when she accused him as well. So, one more indignity to add to Tonya's laundry list of abuse: molestation.

So many people act as if Tonya merely lived in a home with "typical" verbal abuse—that's it. I don't think so:

1) Her mom was a drunk.
2) Her mom eventually got divorced 6 times.
3) Her mom was physically abusive at times.
4) Her mom had moved the family around a dozen times by the time Tonya was 10 or something.
5) Her sister ended up becoming a prostitute as a young teen.
6) Her mother abandoned 4 other kids to focus on Tonya.
7) Tonya started being molested by her half-brother when she was 5, and this continued for about 10 years.

I mean, does it get any more dysfunctional than this? :shocked: It's a miracle that Tonya was able to have a fairly successful skating career at all. I'm not sure anybody coming out of that home would be able to make "good decisions." I can understand why she got involved with the first guy who ever paid attention to her.

Of course, in the end, being complicit in a crime to injure a fellow competitor is just plain wrong—and always will be. But when you see what kind of foul environment she grew up in, I think it helps you understand a little better why she was (allegedly) desperate enough to agree to participate in such a slimy plan.

Inessence · May 21, 2018

50 Words for Snow said:
He molested Tonya, or one of her sisters?

Tonya. Unknown to me about her sister. But considering what she became...

fenway3 · May 21, 2018

Inessence said:
Tonya. Unknown to me about her sister. But considering what she became...

Oh, you're right. He probably molested her too.

I doubt it's just a coincidence what happened to her.

fenway3 · May 21, 2018

Rosa74 said:
Tonya was lucky to have the pro that she had.

I think so. Apparently they clicked too.

Sasha knew how to choreograph for her and how to present her. I thought she came off very well.

Good to hear. I'll try to watch the clips eventually. Ultimately, it's not really about scores or placement. The main thing was for Tonya to come on the show and do a respectable job dancing, and it seems she did that—and more. Considering she's 47 and hasn't really been keeping herself in shape, wow, that's pretty impressive.

And who would've ever thought that Tonya had this much dancing ability? Just goes to show that she had so much untapped potential as a skater. Personally, I never found her to be "unartistic" like a lot of people did—I liked her "macho" artistry. I get bored with "pretty-pretty" skating. But whatever may have been lacking in her presentation side, maybe it was merely something that was just waiting to be brought out of her—it seems that the innate ability was always there. She was kind of like a diamond in the rough.

mrrice · May 21, 2018

Rosa74 said:
Tonya was lucky to have the pro that she had. Sasha knew how to choreograph for her and how to present her. I thought she came off very well.

I agree. We just watched her I will Survive dance and it was great...….I really didn't think she'd get this far and I hope she's proud of herself.

fenway3 · May 21, 2018

mrrice said:
I agree. We just watched I will Survive dance and it was great...….I really didn't think she'd get this far and I hope she's proud of herself.

I think this is kind of Tonya's belated "bronze medal" that some think she deserved at Albertville.

To her, it's probably just as special. And this time, she really put in all the "legwork" for it.

littlesnow · May 22, 2018

noskates said:
Tonya made many, many poor decisions and that's what did her in. She didn't have to marry the guy that abused her or stay with him and no one forced cigarettes into her mouth. I hope she has turned her life around and is happy in her 3rd marraige but I, for one, will not make excuses for her during her skating years.

Wow, seriously? I’m not a Tonya fan but abused women can’t just leave an abusive relationship. I detest the implication that it’s her own fault for staying with and marrying her abusive husband.

50 Words for Snow · May 22, 2018

fenway3 said:
I think this is kind of Tonya's belated "bronze medal" that some think she deserved at Albertville. To her, it's probably just as special. And this time, she really put in all the "legwork" for it.

I see what you did there.

That's terrible about her being molested, and her sister becoming a prostitute, and...pretty much all of it, really. She still shouldn't have clubbed Kerrigan's knee (I just don't buy that she wasn't involved in it), but I see her in a much more sympathetic light after watching I, Tonya and reading this thread.

drivingmissdaisy · May 22, 2018

Ic3Rabbit said:
She was far from the best tonight, her freestyle was messy, and wouldn't have made it past the 3rd week any other season of the show.

It was messy, but it's pretty incredible seeing a woman in her late 40s doing flips and cartwheels.

Was Tonya Harding poorly coached?

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