I too suffered groping and sexual assault while sleeping from a relative from age 13-17. I too would try to turn over, turn away, but was immobilized by fear and embarrassment. I never told anyone until I was 18. And nothing was done. I am now 64 and for my whole life have felt deep shame and embarrassment about the entire situation. I have felt so much shame that I "let it happen". That I didn't do anything to fight it off; to fight off a strong 200 pound man with lots of authority and popularity. So those who comfortably ask why people wait so long to report, it is because of the shame they feel. And the fear at what will happen when and if they do report it. I can't even imagine the pressures of being an up and coming skater who doesn't want to ruin their skating career by appearing "dramatic" or "a problem". For someone with Ashley's level of fame to come forward is an astonishing act of courage. She is a badass and those who are trying to portray her and others like her as weak or calculating is utterly sickening to me.
Ashley Wagner assaulted by John Coughlin
- Thread starter ButchUnicorn
- Start date
- Status
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2018
Melissa Bulanhagui a former rink mate of John Coughlin has spoken up
https://www.instagram.com/p/B0ozLk4l3gW/?igshid=48fu7wi4fm0c
https://www.instagram.com/p/B0ozLk4l3gW/?igshid=48fu7wi4fm0c
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2015
Wow good for her for having the courage to speak up and I hope she finds healing
Sadly I fear there’s many more stories like this involving John...sexual predators just never seem to stop. Makes me furious and sad all at once.
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2014
I just saw this as well and wanted to share.
It seems like no one in the sport really cared about what was happening to the young girls around them. I wonder how much of it is related to how men in pairs are considered to be so highly valued?
I am glad Ashley has inspired others to come forward.
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2014
- Country
-
The victim is still dead.
Regarding this story, there was barely time for an investigation to be had, for there to be a discussion about legal repercussions of his actions. Hammering on the legality of his act won't change a thing about what happened.
The victim is still dead, but the punishment is not the same. Because intent and circumstances matters.
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2011
According to some posters here, however, we should save our outrage because only people like Larry Nasser deserve it. It's not enough for someone to violate another person by kissing and touching them inappropriately. Disgusting attitudes, but why am I surprised. Ugh. At least we know who the apologists are.
Don't you agree, that while feeling outraged, the "degree" of one's outrage should be proportionate to the crime? I.e., "sexual assault" is horrible, but some are much more horrible than others?
Otherwise, if it's all the same, the more horrendous shades of evil are devalued. And the value of our outrage gets devalued, too.
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2018
"No one judges the victims"
Uh, Nina Edmunds, The Knierim's, a handfull of Figure skating coaches, Delilah Sappenfield and dozens of cowards on the internet all blamed the victims and Nina Edmunds even said the victims' names should be revealed to the public.
Uh, Nina Edmunds, The Knierim's, a handfull of Figure skating coaches, Delilah Sappenfield and dozens of cowards on the internet all blamed the victims and Nina Edmunds even said the victims' names should be revealed to the public.
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2013
- Country
-
Sexual assault is always horrible and a situation like Ashley's can traumatise just as much as a vicious gang rape.
There is not so much difference between them, either.
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2014
- Country
-
Except that isn't the end of this particular story. Ashley has made the end of her story something entirely different, and positive: She's chosen to DO SOMETHING. She's working with USFS to change the sport she loves, to protect the athletes, and to make something good come from her pain.
Honestly, I can't believe we aren't talking about this more. Maybe because people didn't click on the links and read all the relevant stories? I don't know. I'm flummoxed.
In February, Wagner told her story to officials at U.S. Figure Skating, the national governing body for the sport, and after several meetings, she now is working on changes in athlete safety and well-being within the national governing body and speaking in person with groups of young skaters, parents and coaches.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/spor...ting-sexual-assault-john-coughlin/1876517001/
https://www.usatoday.com/story/spor...ting-sexual-assault-john-coughlin/1876517001/
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2012
Thank you. I hope everyone will be sensitive to the different parties. I was very upset in reading this. I was further upset that the victim services is very woman dominated and I respect and appreciate they are often the victims/survivors. However, it further suggests that male sexual assault survivors are somehow not as important or that we should suck it up. Violence sexual or otherwise is harmful. I wish something for males would have been included.
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2018
- Country
-
I did notice that... and wondered why US Skating didn't then speak up earlier, when the previous victims were getting abused by their own skaters and people in the sport?
I can understand if Ashley was not yet ready to go public, but surely someone in authority could mention that they had been given more reason to believe the girls...
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2014
The USA National Sexual Assault Hotline is not gender-specific, nor is the Sexual Assault Services of Saskatchewan listed on the feminist.org page. Both resources assist male victims of sexual assault.
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2013
- Country
-
To paraphrase one of my favourite internet quotes:
"If the only time you bring up male sexual assault victims is in response to a post about female sexual assault victims, you don't actually care about male sexual assault victims, you just want to take the focus off male rapists."
Really? Not much difference?
Bill Maher had a great response to this nonsense, about "no difference". Too bad his description is too graphic for this board.
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2010
It's tough. I understand that people are often more influenced by their personal interactions with someone than what they hear or read about them. Obviously attacking the victims is wrong, but defending someone you don't believe could do horrible things is a different story IMO. Now that more women have publicly corroborated the initial allegations, I think defending the accused becomes more difficult.
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2010
No, I don't. This problem is so pervasive that, as far as I'm concerned, any infraction needs to be treated as severely as if it were the worst. The outrage needs to be raised.
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2013
- Country
-
While I don't have any specific statistics, I would imagine that sexual violence against men is far less prevalent than it is against women, but I agree that there is some need for services for men who need this. I suspect that the fear of shame that women feel is even more for male victims.
It turns my stomach to hear so-called jokes about prison rape, for example. No one deserves to be victimized in this way. No one.
- Status
Similar threads
