How to cope with falling out with your best friend | Golden Skate

How to cope with falling out with your best friend

sk8kirsty

On the Ice
Joined
Aug 24, 2019
I know this doesn't really relate to skating, but I'm just going to say it anyway haha.
Recently I have had a fall out with one of my best friends. I am not going to say who but it was someone who is very important to me.
When you have a friendship so strong with someone, they become like family and she was like my big sister. She always made me smile whenever I was sad and I always wanted to be with her.
I am not going to go into detail about how we fell out but we both did things wrong. It wasn't just one of those little hickups that friends have though, it was a big deal and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive her and she doesn't know if she'll ever be able to forgive me.
Now that we don't talk, every time I see her it feels like my whole world is tearing apart all over again. I miss her so much! I still love her but I just can't forgive and forget with this one, no matter how much I want to.
I think about her every day and it makes me so upset. I'm not sure how to cope anymore. I want to just forget it and move on, sort of erase her from my life, but I see her almost every day so that is hard to do.
If any of you have been through something similar, PLEASE let me know what you did to cope, I would greatly appreciate it : ))
Thanks
 

Ic3Rabbit

Former Elite, now Pro. ⛸️
Record Breaker
Joined
Jan 9, 2017
Country
Olympics
I know this doesn't really relate to skating, but I'm just going to say it anyway haha.
Recently I have had a fall out with one of my best friends. I am not going to say who but it was someone who is very important to me.
When you have a friendship so strong with someone, they become like family and she was like my big sister. She always made me smile whenever I was sad and I always wanted to be with her.
I am not going to go into detail about how we fell out but we both did things wrong. It wasn't just one of those little hickups that friends have though, it was a big deal and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive her and she doesn't know if she'll ever be able to forgive me.
Now that we don't talk, every time I see her it feels like my whole world is tearing apart all over again. I miss her so much! I still love her but I just can't forgive and forget with this one, no matter how much I want to.
I think about her every day and it makes me so upset. I'm not sure how to cope anymore. I want to just forget it and move on, sort of erase her from my life, but I see her almost every day so that is hard to do.
If any of you have been through something similar, PLEASE let me know what you did to cope, I would greatly appreciate it : ))
Thanks

This is probably not something you are going to want to read, but I have to say it. From experience over time and learning from age. I had 2 very close best friends for over 20 years. One from skating and one from outside of the sport. One hurt me after all those years emotionally and it was something we both couldn't get past, we talk in passing but it will never be the same, I still wish him all the best.

The other, from outside of the sport was like a little sister to me. We simply grew apart, we got to a breaking point and I miss her like hell every single day. But we have lost touch now and there is no way to get back in touch with her.

There are people that will come and go in your life over time. Some that are very close and some that aren't. Some that stay for a long time and some that don't.
There is a saying that "people come into your life to teach you something" and then they leave because their purpose is over in your life.

I like to think of that when I feel like the world is falling apart in the case of my former best friend that I think about often and miss alot.


I hope that at some point you find a resolution and/or how to accept things and be okay with it.

Good luck! :ghug:


ETA: I almost forgot to say, if there is a way that you can avoid seeing her so often, that may help you cope better too. But I don't know your situation and it may not be viable in your case.
 

sk8kirsty

On the Ice
Joined
Aug 24, 2019
This is probably not something you are going to want to read, but I have to say it. From experience over time and learning from age. I had 2 very close best friends for over 20 years. One from skating and one from outside of the sport. One hurt me after all those years emotionally and it was something we both couldn't get past, we talk in passing but it will never be the same, I still wish him all the best.

The other, from outside of the sport was like a little sister to me. We simply grew apart, we got to a breaking point and I miss her like hell every single day. But we have lost touch now and there is no way to get back in touch with her.

There are people that will come and go in your life over time. Some that are very close and some that aren't. Some that stay for a long time and some that don't.
There is a saying that "people come into your life to teach you something" and then they leave because their purpose is over in your life.

I like to think of that when I feel like the world is falling apart in the case of my former best friend that I think about often and miss alot.


I hope that at some point you find a resolution and/or how to accept things and be okay with it.

Good luck! :ghug:


ETA: I almost forgot to say, if there is a way that you can avoid seeing her so often, that may help you cope better too. But I don't know your situation and it may not be viable in your case.
This does make me feel a bit better, thanks : )
It is difficult because we train together and the only sessions we can do are at the same time [emoji51] the next closest rink is an hour and a half away from where I live so I am sort of just stuck with the one I'm at [emoji51]
Thanks for your help
 

ancientpeas

The Notorious SEW
Record Breaker
Joined
Jan 11, 2014
I have had the same best friend since I was 14. I will turn 50 this month. We have never had a fight. We have annoyed each other and let each other down but we do not fight. My other best friend and I have been friends since I was 22. We bicker all the time but then we have lived together so that changes the dynamic.

You probably aren't going to like what I have to say either but here goes... You forgive not so much for the other person but for yourself. Sometimes you can't see it until later but you realize that what you were so mad about and what you thought was unforgivable was never worth losing the friendship in the first place. Transgressions in relationships can be seen as ends or they can be seen as opportunities to establish new rules and boundaries. Sometimes we don't even know what we are really angry about. Most of us are just replaying old wounds and pains trying to get right the past wrongs that were done to us. Putting yourself in the other persons shoes and trying to figure out why they did what they did often brings insight and if not understanding then compassion and forgiveness.

Somethings are unforgivable but most things are not. Love, true love (by that I mean agape love-selfless love) is precious and is worth taking the time to consider its true value and the true cost of losing it. Sometimes it takes one person to be the bigger person and forgive first and open the door to forgiveness and empathy.

I can tell you that I came very close to losing both of my closest friends at one time (one when I was 18 and going through a weird religious phase) and the other one when I was 25 when I tried to protect her from getting hurt and ended up being manipulated by someone else into lying to her and keeping secrets. Both times I was granted the gift of their forgiveness. I am eternally grateful. Their friendship means the world to me. My life would be a much smaller and less happy place if they weren't in it. Don't mistake being right with being happy. If your friendship made you happy then fight for it.

That is my advice.
 

Tonichelle

Idita-Rock-n-Roll
Record Breaker
Joined
Jun 27, 2003
It is natural (and completely OKAY) to mourn the loss of a best friend due to a falling out. I've lost friends and not even known why and due to my own fear of finding out what faults I have by asking, I just let them go. It's years later and it can still hurt, so I completely get where you're coming from.

MAYBE in a few weeks or months you two can come together and at least talk it out. Maybe the friendship can be salvaged, maybe it's just time to let go. Your heart will heal but it will take time just like with any break up.


My best friend from Pre-teen through High School and I fell apart when I moved away for school and she had to "find herself" by doing a lot of stuff she just didn't want me (I guess) to know about. I wasn't *fun* anymore. It hurt so very much, but I just waited her out. She reached out to me 10 and a half years ago (and about 5 years of not talking at all) letting me know she was pregnant and boom. Friendship found again. I moved back home a couple years later and now we're once again partners in all sorts of projects and shenanigans. Pretty sure her daughter wishes we hadn't reconnected :laugh: But I just wanted to give you an example of how a break can sometimes be good and reconnections can happen. At the time I had no idea why the BFF wanted nothing to do with me, and we dance around it a lot now, but the gist was - she didn't want to hear my advice because she knew I would give the "right" advice and she wanted to "be wrong" for a while. :shrug: now she still ignores my advice, but she doesn't push me away. :laugh:
 

sk8kirsty

On the Ice
Joined
Aug 24, 2019
I have had the same best friend since I was 14. I will turn 50 this month. We have never had a fight. We have annoyed each other and let each other down but we do not fight. My other best friend and I have been friends since I was 22. We bicker all the time but then we have lived together so that changes the dynamic.

You probably aren't going to like what I have to say either but here goes... You forgive not so much for the other person but for yourself. Sometimes you can't see it until later but you realize that what you were so mad about and what you thought was unforgivable was never worth losing the friendship in the first place. Transgressions in relationships can be seen as ends or they can be seen as opportunities to establish new rules and boundaries. Sometimes we don't even know what we are really angry about. Most of us are just replaying old wounds and pains trying to get right the past wrongs that were done to us. Putting yourself in the other persons shoes and trying to figure out why they did what they did often brings insight and if not understanding then compassion and forgiveness.

Somethings are unforgivable but most things are not. Love, true love (by that I mean agape love-selfless love) is precious and is worth taking the time to consider its true value and the true cost of losing it. Sometimes it takes one person to be the bigger person and forgive first and open the door to forgiveness and empathy.

I can tell you that I came very close to losing both of my closest friends at one time (one when I was 18 and going through a weird religious phase) and the other one when I was 25 when I tried to protect her from getting hurt and ended up being manipulated by someone else into lying to her and keeping secrets. Both times I was granted the gift of their forgiveness. I am eternally grateful. Their friendship means the world to me. My life would be a much smaller and less happy place if they weren't in it. Don't mistake being right with being happy. If your friendship made you happy then fight for it.

That is my advice.
This helps a lot, thank you so much!! [emoji4][emoji119]
 

sk8kirsty

On the Ice
Joined
Aug 24, 2019
It is natural (and completely OKAY) to mourn the loss of a best friend due to a falling out. I've lost friends and not even known why and due to my own fear of finding out what faults I have by asking, I just let them go. It's years later and it can still hurt, so I completely get where you're coming from.

MAYBE in a few weeks or months you two can come together and at least talk it out. Maybe the friendship can be salvaged, maybe it's just time to let go. Your heart will heal but it will take time just like with any break up.


My best friend from Pre-teen through High School and I fell apart when I moved away for school and she had to "find herself" by doing a lot of stuff she just didn't want me (I guess) to know about. I wasn't *fun* anymore. It hurt so very much, but I just waited her out. She reached out to me 10 and a half years ago (and about 5 years of not talking at all) letting me know she was pregnant and boom. Friendship found again. I moved back home a couple years later and now we're once again partners in all sorts of projects and shenanigans. Pretty sure her daughter wishes we hadn't reconnected [emoji23] But I just wanted to give you an example of how a break can sometimes be good and reconnections can happen. At the time I had no idea why the BFF wanted nothing to do with me, and we dance around it a lot now, but the gist was - she didn't want to hear my advice because she knew I would give the "right" advice and she wanted to "be wrong" for a while. :shrug: now she still ignores my advice, but she doesn't push me away. [emoji23]
I'm so glad you guys are friends again! Thanks so much for sharing this with me, it has made me feel a lot better : ))
 
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