Shock and Dismay: Worst Programs Evah

[dorispulaski]

Yes, this is the companion piece to Shock & Awe. Some programs inspire quite different feelings. This thread is for those programs that made you wish you had torn your eyes out before you watched them. If there's a youtube link, so much the better (or worse...depending on your taste). In general, to qualify for this designation, a program must be skated by a person whose name most people would recognize. And the design, choreography, and costume count more to a Worst Program Evah than the skating of the competitor.

In fact, the competitor in these programs often times is the victim of the coach and choreographer. For the competitors, I have nothing but respect.

With that intro now complete, let's proceed first to nominees in the men's division:

Alexei Yagudin, Worlds 1997 EX One Banana
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRsAYw-AuDc

Somehow a bad program is just that much worse when inflicted on a wonderful skater. What was his coach thinking? This is wrong on so many levels.

Even Sesame Street did this better
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_D6LWxqUd2E&feature=related

Again, what was Mishin thinking? What sin had poor Plushenko committed that Mishin inflicted this on him? Was it a not so subtle critique of ego-none of us can say. In any case, truly horrible:

Plushenko's 2003 Ex Only You (The Big Head)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REVpurQnrs8


Philippe Candeloro George of the Jungle, crawling on the ice with a large bone and "Ze Monkey" 2001 Hallmark. Would you believe this was Philippe's artistic program? Was he perhaps making a snide comment on the idea of artistry? I'd love to know his thoughts on this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwWknPW_SMg

Of course these are all exhibition programs. But there have been some really foul competitive programs too:

Christopher Bowman 1990 Worlds SP Indian Love Call
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxAq6YB9BtY

This was supposed to be a tribute to Frank Carroll who skated to the same music in his competitive days. Every Indian stereotype is used. The result was that a normally very artistic skater got very low second marks, even though he skated fairly well.

Philippe Candeloro Lucky Luke LP 1996
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDsngtG37Fo

Note the all too precious use of a hat stitched to the back of his costume.

Tim Goebel's 2005 2006 season LP to Night on Bald Mountain
There is no youtube link of this monstrosity at this time. And when you think he paid the big bucks to Tarasova for this program (AFAIR) you could just weep. I'll look for a copy for you.

So! Who are your nominees in this division?

Please post links to youtube if you can find them.

 

[iluvtodd]

I totally agree with Philippe's pro program "George of the Jungle." :scratch: Too bad, because I liked many of his Olympic eligible programs.

 

[dorispulaski]

Yes, it was shocking, because I quite liked his Godfather programs and his d'Artagnan program from 1998 is so good that it qualifies for the Shock and Awe rather than shock & dismay.

 

[Tinymavy15]

I will post more later, but the ones in my head now are:

Julia Sebescen - Carmen

Belbin and Agosto- Sexyback/My Love

 

[ManyCairns]

I think it was a pro competition program, Candeloro's Castaway, complete with volleyball prop.



For competition programs, I'll say Baiul's Oly gold-medal winning programs. So much of the choreo to me looked too "showy" or "ta-dah" like. My BF of the time remarked she looked like she was performing in some kind of county fair talent show contest. Mostly this applies to the short, but I didn't like Swan Lake, either
-- though that was more for the lack of technical content. For me, that was a classic, "I can't believe she won with THAT program." Also, the Swan Lake costume, esp the headpiece, was not becoming to her at all, even though it appeared to be modeled after typical costumes for the ballet.

 

[NJSk8Fan]

I don't have time to look for YouTube links, but.....

Definitely Candelor's "George of the Jungle" was bad.

Plushenko's muscle man exhibition program where he wore that muscle suit.

I've only seen it in "look back" pieces, but I think it was Punsalan/Swallow doing some sort of "race car" program. That looked pretty lame, and just weird.

As much as I love Kurt Browning, I wasn't thrilled with is "Gabe's Toybox" program(I think that is what it was called)

 

[Tonichelle]

Plushenko's Sex Bomb

Candeloro's Sex Bomb... and his George of the Jungle - I liked his Bravehart though

Oksana Biaul's Hit Me Baby One More Time....

Michelle Kwan's Bolero - while not in the same line as the ones mentioned above... that music topped with the uninspired 'program' had me contemplating... well...

 

[BigJohn]

I've only seen it in "look back" pieces, but I think it was Punsalan/Swallow doing some sort of "race car" program. That looked pretty lame, and just weird.

That one was so bad... I mean, just really really really bad.

 

[blue dog]

I'm just posting links...

Many of these skaters were just developing--so their best years were definitely ahead of them.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=byO_bGMoCwo

http://youtube.com/watch?v=E5GFw42p5vM

http://youtube.com/watch?v=235LKKVSzQc

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LAezlhbelhA

http://youtube.com/watch?v=TkDZrrMs2B4

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Es-doWHlEQA

http://youtube.com/watch?v=AGsgG8nNVdk

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LRuO8QP-sNI

 

[Kwanford Wife]

This one is fun yet sad because unless you're a favorite, I don't really have too many programs that I simply can't stand - I just count those as commercials and take a break... but sometimes the skating is simply bad...

As much as it causes me true physical pain, I must agree with Toni on Kwan's Bolero... for a five specific reasons...

1. I hate hate hate that music
2. Kwan should've known better - she's a supa star... not some hack
3.When your standard is perfection, Bolero (and Christopher Dean as chero) isn't gonna cut it...
4. It was her last competitive program and it was a bad way to end her reign
5. If you are too hurt to skate to win, then maybe you shouldn't competite

Plushy's Olympic long program...now, I love Plush when he's at his arrogant best, but this was a disaster... Just because you win doesn't mean you won...

Miki's World's free... I think it was '04(???) when she included that horric charlott spiral... I was like: is she on crack? espcially since she ditched that wonderful program, the guitar concerto, to return to firebird. Bad decision... And just 'cause I'm petty - that fugly costume she wore to '06 games for the Christmastime program... I mean, c'mon... what's the point of being that fabulous when you ruin it with black tights after sporting a drop-dead ice blue dress all season... Is it me? Did she do it simply to drive me insane??? Grrr...

LuLu's short program in '97... it reminded me of that skating scene in Flashdance where the girl with all the talent can't skate when she needs to... that was sad...

So sorry that I don't have links, but I'm off to catch a plane and would rather pick up a book, than search around youtube...

 

[Tonichelle]

one main difference - I don't blame Dean for her lack of choreography in Bolero. She admittedly reworked the program.

 

[escaflowne9282]

Oh wow, I absolutely loved Chen Lu's take five, I always thought it was such a shame that she never skated it very well.

As for the worst, I am shocked that Nancy Kerrigan has not appeared on this thread as of yet. Her 1994 Neil Diamond medley was especially horrible, the first bridge where she goes into the fast part ,where she starts turning around and punching up into the air for absolutely no reason at all, was straight out of a 1980s jazzercize workout tape. If this weren't bad enough, she later on channeled the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine tried to "dance", and she started to do all of these strange little hops and kicks and began suddenly and spastically throwing her arms out to the side (again for absolutely no reason at all). Every moment of body movement was just so uncoordinated and it looked as though her limbs were fighting for control of her torso and were about to fall out of their joints in the process.

Her 1992 SP to "Paradise and the master " was one of the most atrocious programs ever. It is so hard to believe that the Scotvolds were responsible for these programs, given their success with Paul Wylie.

 

[exNyer2]

It is only shocking/dismaying(?) if it's by a favorite.

kurt browning's clown routine for SOI. Hate clowns. Hate excellent skaters pretending that they cannot skate well.

Lambiel's cat exhibition. I read that he regrets it too.

 

[Wrlmy]

As for the worst, I am shocked that Nancy Kerrigan has not appeared on this thread as of yet. Her 1994 Neil Diamond medley was especially horrible, the first bridge where she goes into the fast part ,where she starts turning around and punching up into the air for absolutely no reason at all, was straight out of a 1980s jazzercize workout tape. If this weren't bad enough, she later on channeled the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine tried to "dance", and she started to do all of these strange little hops and kicks and began suddenly and spastically throwing her arms out to the side (again for absolutely no reason at all). Every moment of body movement was just so uncoordinated and it looked as though her limbs were fighting for control of her torso and were about to fall out of their joints in the process.

 

[dorispulaski]

It is only shocking/dismaying(?) if it's by a favorite.

.

Well beating up on obscure skaters, coaches & choreographers because they're not topnotch seems a little low. Consequently, a lower level program should really, really reek before it is considered for shock & dismay. I did see a junior dance OD this year that met my requirements for inclusion here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0yd3-wQC7Y

Oksana Klimova and Sasha Palamaki, skating to the Fish Slapping Dance from Monty Python's Spamalot and representing it as a Finnish Polka. Just bad. First, there is absolutely no reason pick a horrendous piece of music like that. There are perfectly good Finnish polkas to choose from:

Rahkamo & Kokko Lapland Polka OD 1992 Olympics (an old favorite of mine)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2ebPwftemw

Even the junior Czech's Mysliveckova & Novak were able to locate Ieva's Polka and make a great little routine out of it: (a new favorite of mine)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwagmE0qnZQ

But the real Finns? They have to play at fish slapping.hwell:

 

[heyang]

As much as it causes me true physical pain, I must agree with Toni on Kwan's Bolero... for a five specific reasons...

1. I hate hate hate that music
2. Kwan should've known better - she's a supa star... not some hack
3.When your standard is perfection, Bolero (and Christopher Dean as chero) isn't gonna cut it...
4. It was her last competitive program and it was a bad way to end her reign
5. If you are too hurt to skate to win, then maybe you shouldn't competite

Although Bolero was not great for Kwan, I do have to ask which version . Every time she skated it in public, it was different. I actually think it was best the 1st time I saw it [in some fluff competition] and then declined from there (nationals and worlds.)

As pointed out by others, she did not do Dean's choreography that he created for her.

Also, she and we did not know that it would be her last competitive program. We didn't see her 2006 programs, which supposedly had higher levels than Bolero.

I do agree that it was disappointing for our girl.

Forgot to mention that I've disliked just about all of Candleloro's non-eligible programs. Way to gimmicky. If it doesn't have a show theme, he skates, waves, jumps and tears his shirt off - the guy never heard of spray on tan. Absolutely deplored George of the Jungle and Lucky Luke was too unknown for an American audience.

 

[Tonichelle]

I agree most of his pro programs were bad, but his Bravehart was actually very good even with the gimmicks.

 

[blue dog]

What are they skating to?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV-fs4aEsrY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vnTejJhGlI

why oh why?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OuAYxDOvwM

 

[Ms.Anthrope]

As for the worst, I am shocked that Nancy Kerrigan has not appeared on this thread as of yet. Her 1994 Neil Diamond medley was especially horrible, the first bridge where she goes into the fast part ,where she starts turning around and punching up into the air for absolutely no reason at all, was straight out of a 1980s jazzercize workout tape.

You forgot to mention the bunny hop she did in the middle of the program.

Her 1992 SP to "Paradise and the master " was one of the most atrocious programs ever. It is so hard to believe that the Scotvolds were responsible for these programs, given their success with Paul Wylie.

Yes, this program was absolutely horrid. Where the heck did they get the music from? Just all around bad...

 

[dorispulaski]

blue dog, I'm with you on Bestemianova & Bukin's Rasputin program as definitely being in the running for the ice dance medal.

And the "Power Cats" SP by Marion Krijjgsman of Netherlands deserves a nomination if for the black skates (boot covers?) alone. The choreo of skating around flexing her arm like Mr. Clean through at least 1/4 of the program (to donate power?) seals the deal, despite her being a lesser known skater.

The Diana Poth Black Velvet program was weirdly fascinating --partially because she landed a great 3T3T, but also by playing air guitar on her leg and then doing a dog pee spiral, the dog pee spiral actually made weird sense choreographically. I now see why Poth had a reputation for putting on an overly sexy show though.

BTW, Roz Sumners also skated to Black Velvet, so Poth isn' t the only one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQlSySQujxk

Roz also felt compelled to include air guitar in the routine.